More disappointing news

injection bruising

Today I went in for my IVF monitoring appointment after being on eight days of stimulation medication, 10 days of shots.  Today, they only saw three measurable follicles at 8mm, 12mm, and 13 mm, which is down from four follicles seen just two days ago.  The call from my nurse indicated that cancelling the cycle is possible because of such a poor response.  I have to go back on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, for more monitoring.  If the smaller follicle hasn't caught up by then, or if other follicles don't show up, it is likely that my cycle will be cancelled.  I asked about increasing medication to make the other follicles pop and I was told that I am on the maximum dosage of IVF medications and the meds can't be increased any more.  The nurse is very surprised at my poor response because my antral follicle count (the amount of little "possible" eggs measured before starting IVF) has always been decent and I should have had better follicle growth.   The nurse believes the treatment may have "over-suppressed" my ovaries.  I hate it say it, but I am not surprised.  I warned the nurse and the doctor before I started birth control pills that I don't respond well to birth control.  I not only have terrible side effects, but it seems to take months for them to get out of my system once stopped.  I am exhausted.  I am tired of being sad, tired of disappointment, tired of crying, tired of not sleeping, tired of shots, tired of bruising from blood draws and shots, and just plain tired. Every morning I wake up and try to focus on the positive and with every monitoring appointment, I am hopeful that things have turned around.  The fall from possibility to reality hurts more every day.  I am bruised and sore and aching-in my heart, in my body, and in my mind.