Bursting to Tell

I am now a bit over seven weeks pregnant with my fourth child.  Last week, my husband and I decided we should tell our two oldest girls, ages 10 and 8.  We sat them down at bedtime and told them that we had something big to share with them.  My oldest, who is currently participating in the "Changing Me" unit in school said, "Let me guess.  You guys had sex and now you are going to have another baby." Uhh what? Huh? Where did that damn invisibility button go? Who thought this was a good idea?

Sweat started to form around my husband's brow line.  The look on his face said, "If there was an escape hatch in a child's rooms, where would I find that?"  We explained that while some things were private between grown-ups, yes we were going to have another baby.  Cheers ensued followed by bickering about where the baby would sleep.  We were happy.  We had told the two most important people and they were happy.  We can keep it a family secret for a few more weeks, right?

Well, there is just one hitch in keeping a secret.  ME.  I am bursting to tell everyone.  I am tired and nauseous all the time.  I am puffy in the face and squishy in the middle and my weight loss efforts to lose the baby weight from my last pregnancy have suddenly ceased.  I want to explain why I look so bad.  I want to share what is happening with me. I want to jump and scream and smile until my face hurts.

Having another child had been in the master plan, but I wasn't expecting it so soon.  I am a little freaked out. I am suddenly overwhelmed with the three I have right now, which could be from the pure exhaustion of the first trimester, or it could be my own mind spinning out of control about how I will manage four.   I am much more weepy and short tempered than my last pregnancy, which could be hormonal or could be exhaustion.  I want to share with people how freaked out I am.  I want to revert to being a child myself and run and tell my mommy and daddy so they can tell me it will all be okay. 

I haven't been to the doctor's office yet and I haven't heard the heart beat.  The rational side of me wants to wait to tell until I have been to the doctor's office because when I am not feeling queasy, I question whether perhaps three pregnancy tests could be wrong.  Maybe I'm not pregnant, but have a mild stomach bug that has stayed with me for weeks.  It could happen.  Maybe I'm tired because I have three children and a full time job and not because I am nursing, in my first trimester, and haven't had a good night sleep or a nap in months.  My head is playing tricks on me.  My rational and irrational side are arguing, and I don't know which to route for.

I want to tell people to make it seem more real.  I want to tell people to keep me sane.  I want to tell people to excuse my current appearance and semi-nutty behavior.  I want to tell people because, while I am incredibly freaked out, I am also very excited.