So let's start from the beginning. After two unsuccessful IUI's, I met with my doctor and had preliminary tests completed. Soon after, I received the call that I was all set to begin my IVF treatment cycle. I went on birth control pills, which is tough for me because I don't handle hormones well. They tend to make me a complete nut case who flies off the handle for no good reason. Other than a brief period of agitation at my husband and a ridiculous outburst in response to my children fighting, I am handling it pretty well (of course, you may want to ask my family-they may disagree).
I received a call from the pharmacy reviewing the prescriptions to be shipped to my house. Now, the doctor had given me some idea of what was in store for me, but she didn't give me specifics because she didn't know until my preliminary tests were complete. When the pharmacy called, they gave me a list so long that I immediately flew into panic mode. Just like all new crazed IVF patients, I immediately turned to the internet to Google my prescriptions and my treatment plan. I lost a half a day to pointless surfing and worrying. I have found that throughout this process, I have to be very careful how much time I allow myself to surf or read books on the topic. I am the kind of person who loves information, but it can also make me cross-eyed and crazy if I am not careful to keep it in check. I have actually limited myself to 3 books on IVF and limited internet surfing to no more than three hits a day. When my shots start, I will stop surfing all together. My goal with this cycle is to be as holistic as possible, so I am spending more time researching nutrition, meditation, and other techniques to help me stay focused on how I can relax and prepare.
Days after the pharmacy called, my husband and I attended a two hour injection class with another lovely, albeit neurotic patient. The other patient was a nurse by trade, but her nervousness made me edgy. Shouldn't a nurse think this type of thing is old hat? The teacher had a little too much bubble and giggle in her voice, but she was nice and showed us how to mix medicines and prepare needles while the nervous nelly nurse whined and squirmed. I, being the excellent student that I am, tried to block her out and pay attention. I made my husband take notes while I willed my brain to burn all the information provided into a special "do not delete" file. At times it almost seemed too much. Take this needle and get the liquid from this vile and then push it into a vile with powder and then twist to mix...never shake...then extract the liquid with the needle and push it into another vile of powder and mix again before extracting into the needle...then switch the needle before injecting-be sure to swab everything with alcohol before anything touches anything and flick to get out all the air bubbles. Oh, and the amounts are different in your morning and evening injections, so be sure not to get confused or you could ruin your whole treatment...and then get ready because you still have two more shots you have to prepare. The whole time, the neurotic nurse whimpered. The Type A part of my personality wanted another run through before leaving the class, but the rest of me was trying to escape the presence of the neurotic nurse. I left and took a breath, convincing myself that I was competent enough to handle five shots a day.
Saturday morning the FEDEX delivery man dropped off a huge box filled with my prescriptions. There were dozens upon dozens of needles in different sizes, three different types of pills, a supply of suppositories, a trigger shot, and three different types of medications that I will have to give to myself as injections for about two weeks. I will have to give myself two injections in the morning and three at night. I emptied the contents onto my kitchen table and sat, paralyzed, looking at all the meds. Sudden panic hit that I wouldn't remember which needles went with which medicines. I looked at my husband and blurted, "I don't know what goes with what-look at all this stuff!" He calmly helped me organize the medicines and reminded me to breathe. I don't know what I would do without him.Right now, half of one shelf of our refrigerator is stuffed with medications that must be refrigerated. The other medicines are safely tucked into a tool box that I have designated to keep all my medicines organized. They sit, waiting. I have a little over one more week of birth control pills before I start the shots.
Surprisingly, I feel very calm about the situation. I am hopeful that it will work, but I also have come to terms with the likelihood that it won't. I will be nervous the day before, and the day of, my first shots, but I know that I will quickly get the hang of it. The shots don't scare me. I am not looking forward to the hormones because I generally don't do well with hormones, but I am okay with the rest of the process...right now. I am not looking forward to a bruised tummy from all the shots, but I will get over it. The only real fear I have about the whole thing is the possibility of twins...now THAT scares the bejesus out of me. We really want one more baby so to complete our family, but twins...that is something that I am not sure my sanity or my bank account can handle. Stay tuned, I will be trying to document the process.